Family

Healing Through Family Lines: Breaking the Patterns

07.03.2019 by season // Leave a Comment

Today, we are so grateful to be able to share a beautiful and touching story from Stephanie of @lightuntolighthomeschool

“I was 30 years old and my parents were getting a divorce. It hurt. The image of my “perfect” family of origin was shattering before my eyes. I had so many questions and I wanted to understand why things were the way they were. But to discover that I had to go back to my parents’ childhood and then to my grandparents and their childhood and back and back. On one line I traced back trauma, depression, suicide, legal problems, addiction and abuse in every generation until I got to Sweden in the 1850s. Probate records, newspaper articles, state hospital records, and divorce filings laid out a tragic picture among many people. These are things people suffer immense shame in this life over and it was hidden away, stuffed to try to suffocate it but it often does the opposite – proliferating in darkness to perpetuate in the next generation. The thing was, I felt drawn to discovering this dysfunction because it was the missing piece that was helping everything else make sense. That alcoholic and abusive grandfather who deserted his family was now a neglected little boy, getting picked up by future church leader Marion Hanks for Sunday School while his parents slept in. He became a ripped apart 13 year old, entering through a window into his locked house to find his father’s body a day after he committed suicide. Knowing their stories of personal trauma doesn’t condone their destructive actions or erase personal accountability, but it has created in me empathy and love for these people that grows the more I learn about them. Each generation I looked at had pain and likely feelings of self-hatred and worthlessness but now they had someone who had the space and perspective to offer some grace, that wanted to aid in their healing even just through wanting to understand them.

I obsess over pictures of my ancestors – I stare into their eyes, searching for who they are and what they are feeling and the spiritual message I get back from them consistently is, “thank you for remembering me”. They are so grateful. I know they are healing and I believe strongly it goes both ways – for us and them, facilitated especially through our own emotional progress and temple worship which brings us both to our Savior and His atoning Grace. I believe we truly can help heal each other across the veil.

Through this experience of unearthing the pain it has led to more resiliency and peace in me. I’ve seen stories of redemption and great progress. I know that destructive patterns CAN be broken! That grandfather, on the verge of taking his own life just like his father, decides he will be different and he does – becoming sober in his 60s. That leads to receiving his temple blessings again and reconciliation with many members of his family.

Understanding the true macro-view of sealings and families means that my parents’ broken marriage does not distance me from God. I am a part of GOD’s family and that will never change. We are all one interconnected web of families with our common tie as His children.

For me, family history is about healing emotionally and spiritually so each generation is more resilient than the last. It is about addressing the unspoken specter of inter-generational trauma that affects not only you, but your first cousins and possibly many second, third cousins and likely more. I’ve been tremendously blessed by connecting with cousins I would never know otherwise through Familysearch and sharing stories and conversations of healing. It is about realizing that we are ALL connected, not only spiritually but in the most real, physical and emotional sense. We have each other, on this side of the veil and the other.”

🧡Stephanie // @lightuntolighthomeschool

Have you seen patterns in your family lines?

Family Story Book: Kid Edition

06.24.2019 by season // 4 Comments

I really wanted to come up with an activity that would help my kids enjoy learning the stories of their ancestors. My kids like hearing the stories, but I felt like for this activity they really poured their little hands and hearts into it. It was personal, it was fun, and it is something they have come back to and looked through many times since.

I was actually a little shocked at how quickly I started and completed this activity. It hardly took any of my time once I got started and yet I enjoyed every minute of it. To make it just as simple and easy for you, I have broken it down into 3 easy steps! 😊

Step One: Find Your Story

There are so many options for finding a story so don’t let this first step scare you! Try one of these 4 ideas for a great story:

1. Look through Family Search

Once you have your family tree open on familysearch.org, start clicking on relatives names. I would focus on the relatives from the last few generations as you tend to find the most information on them. When you get to their person page, there is a tab called memories. If they have a number listed next to it, there will be memories in there to look at.

Click on the tab and scroll through all the memories listed. And be careful, this can be dangerous as you may find time quickly go by as you get lost in these intriguing stories😊. Keep doing this until you find a story, OR if you can’t find a good one, try another option.

2. Family History Books

Do you have any old family history books a relative compiled and gave to you? Look through there for some stories.

3. Call Up a Relative

This step is pretty self-explanatory. Call up your mom, dad, grandparents, uncle, aunt, etc. and ask them if they would send you, or tell you over the phone, a fun story from their lives. People love sharing about their younger years, especially to their grandkids/nieces or nephews. If you can use their own written or spoken words that make it even more authentic.

4. Tell One of Your Own Stories

Write down your own fun memory of your life! Your kids will LOVE it! Look through some old journals or photographs and think of a memory your kids will enjoy hearing about you.

Step Two: Type Up and Print the Story

This step is so simple. Look through your story, decide about how many pages you want/need and then break it up into simple, natural paragraphs. Copy or type out their paragraphs so that each one is printed at the bottom of the page, like my example below. Print out the pages and don’t forget a fun cover page!

Step Three: Color, Color, Color, Bind

This part was my favorite. I sat the kids down, explained who this relative was and how they were related to them (this is their 4^th great-grandpa). I then told them I was going to read them a story from his life. While I was reading they needed to pay attention so they could pick which page they wanted to illustrate. When you are done reading, hand out the pages, some art supplies of your choice, and let their creativity free. I had them write their name on the page somewhere so we could always remember.

Bind the book up and read through it again with all the pages done. For binding I used a report slip cover I got from the dollar store, but a 3 -ring binder or staples would work perfect too.

This truly was such a fun activity from my 3-year-old to our teenage cousins who helped us. I am so excited to get more stories done so we can have a stack of family stories to read through on Sundays, do for Family Home Evening, and to share with other relatives who come to visit. I hope you will try it out and leave a comment on the blog or our Instagram account @seasonforfamily. Happy storytelling!

KAYLA BERRETT

IG: @kaylaberrett

Our Life Line

06.19.2019 by season // 8 Comments

I am the LAST person that a year ago would have thought I’d be loving family history with my whole heart. One year ago we were fresh off the heels of trauma.

The business my husband worked for & had just moved to Colorado for went under and we didn’t have a paycheck for months. Searching for a job was turning up absolutely nothing.

My husband had fallen hard on some ice that resulted in a serious concussion which led us to get a brain scan that found he had a deep-seated brain aneurysm that was unrelated to his fall.

Just weeks after this, on our way home to Colorado, our family along with our F250 truck slid off a 1000 ft. mountain cliff and were stopped only 30 feet down by an aspen tree & some heavenly assistance. Our family survived while our truck did not.

The next week we found employment!! … in Utah and one month later we landed here to start our new life.

I need to tell you here that I was barely holding things together. I felt like I was called to wade into a stormy sea & kept getting hit with waves. Each time I’d get up and catch my breath, another wave with more power and intensity would knock me off my feet, throw me into the washing machine cycle and then spit me out with sand in all the wrong places, coughing up water and sand, and gasping for air. I realize that sounds a little dramatic. But I felt like life had chewed us up and spit us out.

I had been praying for help to know how I could get my life back and figured a home improvement project would be it. I opened my Lightkeepers book for the first time & the quote with Elder Renlund’s promise about family history and temple work jumped off the page:

“You will find not only protection from the temptation and ills of the world, but you will also find personal power—power to change, power to repent, power to learn, power to be sanctified, and power to turn the hearts of your family members to each other and heal that which needs healing.”

● He promised we’d find “power

● to turn the hearts of our family together

● and heal that which needs healing.” This promise hit me with such force. As I read the words, the spirit told me: “This is your project. This will heal you.” So I pledged to figure out family history -as soon as I’d moved my family to Utah.

Once we moved to Utah a set of new challenges arose: the Utah inversion- for this Arizona girl, new job & schools, a strict budget, worries for my husband’s health, longer term effects of his concussion, and serious mom guilt over moving my kids. Again, and moving my senior for the second time this school year. Life seemed void of hope. Void of light. Even void of sleep. Garrett and I were still experiencing Post Traumatic Stress waking up in a cold sweat around 3 each morning since falling off the mountain. We were walking around in the same bodies but everything somehow seemed hollow and empty. Life moved on and we had to move along with it. It was difficult to keep up with what was expected just to run a home & run a family.

Two weeks after moving here, I was somewhat settled, and was listening to a conference talk while making breakfast. The spirit reminded me that I pledged to start family history. Panic seized my heart. Why did I promise to do that? How on earth do I do that?? It seemed an elephant of a project to take on. But how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. Family history is a spiritual work.

Since last February I took small & simple steps doing what I knew how to do and as the spirit directed when I’d ask, “what next?

I started by reading the family book I’d had kicking around for years . I took a photo with my phone of short excerpts that would strengthen my own family and texted them to my kids periodically. I knew they wouldn’t pick up a 500 page book, but they would read a text.

I became familiar with and use regularly the FamilySearch mobile app, the task feature became my favorite tool ever, which we will jump into soon

I shared with family how to read & add a story in memories. While I cooked dinner I’d ask my teens to jump on & find or add a story then share it at dinner.

I continued asking “what next” and acting. In April I was sick & got stress cold sores. I found myself a doctor & while waiting for him to come in, I read the poster about mental health. I was astonished to realize I was experiencing each one of the symptoms. I told the doctor what had recently happened & how I was waiting to feel normal again. He listened and we decided to put me on a low dose of depression medication.

As a family we were mindful & prayerful about how to incorporate little bits of family history into our life. And we found that with just a few simple tweaks, it went along with what we were already doing.

I had the joy of:

•finding my first ancestor who needed her work done, and since then have discovered numerous ancestors and am still working on their saving ordinances.

•I have upped my temple attendance considerably because of the sheer volume of people that are waiting for their temple work. And that in turn has enriched my life.

•I am happier than I ever have been.

•I enjoy clarity and peace that are constant and help me see life, people, and challenges through a heavenly lens.

I share to show just how different a life can look in one year when we ask what next, trust the Lord’s guidance and His promises and then act. Everyone’s journey will look different. My husband still has the brain aneurysm. Turns out his particular case is very unique. We have even changed employment again. My situation has not changed completely, but my perspective has. My family is closer. We are happier. We feel the spirit in our home frequently. And my home now feels like it’s filled with LIGHT. As I shared this write-up with my 18 year old daughter, she nodded at each sentence. She sees it. She feels it. We are far from perfect, but we are being sanctified through this great work.

Elder Renlund promised: God will strengthen, help, and uphold us; and He will sanctify to us our deepest distress. Family History has been my life line. Truly and literally. As I engaged in it, slowly, slowly, I began to breathe a little more, to feel again, to live again. Heavenly Father knew what I needed to do to heal that which needed healing.

Written by: Amy Miles // IG: @sorellamy